


EXTRATERRESTRIAL HIGHWAY

by rewire



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Aliens, Crack Treated Semi-Seriously, Gen, I'm sorry about this, Post-Canon, area 51
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 00:29:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19800958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rewire/pseuds/rewire
Summary: The event reads: Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us.Hayato clicks on the link.





	EXTRATERRESTRIAL HIGHWAY

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Constantly_Oscitating](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Constantly_Oscitating/gifts).



> Yeah, I don't know either. My brain disconnected from my hands, and an hour later I had this. Con (and everyone else on this meme wagon), this is for u. Enjoy?

The event reads:  _ Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us. _

Hayato clicks on the link. 

//

(The event reads:  _ Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us. _

Shitt P. clicks on the link.)

//

So here’s the thing. In the mafia, downtime is a luxury. Evading the law and causing mass amounts of criminal destruction is hard work--who knew! 

(The Ninth knew. The Ninth and all his guardians knew and now they’re sipping Mai Tais on a beach somewhere while Tsuna tears the Vongola down with his bare hands, fingernails bloody and ragged. Hayato is  _ never  _ going to forgive them.)

But that’s not relevant, what’s relevant is:

“You haven’t taken a vacation in how long?” asks Tsuna.

Hayato has to take a second to think. It’s got to be at least a year and a half by now, but he can’t quite remember where they went last time. The longer he considers the question, the further down Tsuna’s eyebrows scrunch, until he looks indeterminately upset with everything. 

Either he’s going to cry, or he’s going to make a really disappointed face that Hayato’s become intimately familiar with in the past three years. A mixture of anger, and a slow boiling disappointment that says:  _ What did I expect really.  _ Tsuna definitely hasn’t given up--if anything his determination to raze the mafia down to its roots has only grown--but Hayato hates the moments where he loses a little bit more of his old naivete. 

And so, he says, “Not recently, but I do have something planned for September.”

The eyebrows retreat. Hayato gives an internal sigh of relief. “Where to?” 

“Uh, Area 51!” Despite himself, Hayato can feel himself considering the idea. He had been entirely joking when he RSVP’d a month ago, but now that he’s said something, the possibilities of it are opening up. 

_ Area 51.  _ He bets there are  _ uncountable  _ UMAs in there. It was a known fact that the US government was full of secrets, and Area 51 was the biggest of them all. “We’re going to raid the base for UMAs. Or aliens. Either or.”

Tsuna makes a conflicted noise. Hayato hears him whisper something under his breath that sounds a little bit like,  _ of course,  _ and also  _ why,  _ before he says, “We?”

Hayato nods. He’s glad for his near perfect memory now, because he can pull up the list of people attending easy as breathing. “Me and Shitt P both responded. I haven’t booked my flight yet, but it’s sure to be the UMA event of the year.” Another stray thought surfaces. “And it’s a great birthday present for her!”

Tsuna looks at him for a second, and Hayato tries to seem like a good Right Hand, and not like he’s pulling this entire plan out of his ass. After a moment, he nods, gestures for the documents Hayato is holding. “Sounds fun. Make sure to tell Takeshi about it and we’ll change the guard rosters.”

Hayato nods, handing the papers over. “Sure boss.” He’s not sure if he’s been believed or not, but he’ll take it.

“And make sure to send in your expense reports to Hana at least a month in advance this time. I don’t want to fight her about signing off on plane tickets.”

“Will do.”

“Great. Now  _ please _ go help Ryohei with the new recruits. I think I saw one of them crying yesterday.”

Hayato winces, nods, and turns away. He’s pretty sure he saw one of the recruits yelling  _ EXTREME _ in the hallways sometime in the last four hours, and honestly at this point, what he’s doing resembles damage control more than anything else.

As he walks out of the office, Hayato comes to the realization that he’s  _ actually going to have to go on vacation now _ , so the real winner of that conversation was Tsuna. Somehow, he’s not as angry as he should be.

//

They meet on a plane headed to Nevada. They’re both flying on civilian airlines for secrecy reasons, no private jets, but Hayato had been 99% sure that his seat had been alone.

From the answering glare Shitt P is giving him, he’s pretty sure she thought the same. 

It’s not like they’ve never worked together, but the remaining tensions between the Vongola and the Simon made casual friendships hard to maintain.

(Unless you were Tsuna and Enma. Or Takeshi and Kaoru. Or Chrome and Adelheid. Actually, this might just be a him issue.)

“What are you doing here?”

Shitt P looks away from him, crossing her arms.

What? Why was she ignoring him? And then it registers, and he winces to himself. Stupid mistake to make, there was no need for him to be an asshole. “Sorry. What are you doing here, Shitopi-chan?”

At this, she turns back to him, arms relaxed again. Her posture is regal, almost queenly. They’re both stuffed into the coach section of Air Italy, the scent of body odor and faux leather heavy in the cramped compartment, so it’s an accomplishment to say the least.

“I’m going to see the aliens, obviously.”

Hayato stares at her, thoughts a tangle of  _ I thought you already were one.  _ and  _ Yes I knew that part already.  _ What he comes out with is, “Why on this flight specifically though?”

Shitt P. narrows her eyes. “I have no idea. My best guess though? Your idiotic grudge against me for events that happened more than three years ago, and both of our bosses’ unfortunate quest for inter-family unity.”

That… makes an unfortunate amount of sense. Instead of saying that however, Hayato just sighs, and pulls out the in-flight menu from the seat pocket in front of him.

It’s going to be a long flight.

//

They have a connecting flight together too, and halfway across what Hayato thinks might be Oklahoma (it might as well be Texas too, he hasn’t bothered devoting brain space to any American state but Nevada), he looks up to see Shitt P reading the latest edition of  _ Space Monthly. _

Hayato has a similar issue tucked away in his checked luggage--he’s already memorized it. 

She doesn’t appear to be reading from what he can tell, just looking at the interior spread, a glossy 10 page photoshoot of what  _ Space Monthly  _ thinks the interior of Area 51 might look like. Without really considering it he says, “I’ve got the  _ Cosmoid2000 _ issue in my bag if you want to compare the two.”

Slowly, as if looking down at an insect, Shitt P raises her head. “I’ve already done the comparison, thanks.” Hayato deflates a little, wincing to himself, and she sighs. “I could always do with a refresher, though.”

Hayato gets the magazine out, a strange wave of nervousness fizzing in his blood. He’s never really had anyone else interested in this sort of thing before, and the attention is strangely destabilizing. A foundational truth of his worldview overturned. 

Still, when he opens the magazine to the correct set of photos, he finds that he’s smiling. 

//

3 am. Raid start.

There’s more than a thousand people here, grouped into different factions. By silent agreement they’re part of none of them, a legion unto themselves. 

Both of them have rings on, which might be pushing Omerta a bit, but hey, Hayato figures they’re near Area 51. If anyone asks, he’ll just blame the aliens. 

With a roar, the mob charges.  _ They can’t stop us all,  _ pours from a hundred throats, and there’s another hundred who are just screaming. The chainlink fence doesn’t stand a chance.

As one, they move on the compound.

Hayato has to yell to be heard over the noise, but he tries anyway. 

_ “Happy Birthday!” _

//

“Well,” Hayato says, staring at what they’ve found, “that’s certainly unexpected.”

Shitt P hums, not saying anything, but Hayato thinks he’s got a better read on her now, and there’s something strangely contemplative about the set of her shoulders. She kicks a chair through the empty lab, the shatter of glass echoing down the hallways. 

The whole base has been like that. Empty as a mausoleum.

When she turns back around though, there’s a fire in her eyes. Flame-like. “If there’s nothing here, then-”

Hayato’s brain leaps to where she’s going in a heartbeat. “Then there must be something somewhere else.”

Her grin is electric. “Exactly. They,” and her tone is all smug satisfaction, “have something to hide.”

Hayato smiles in return, the fizzing adrenaline of the plane ride returning, giddy. “And we’re going to find it.”

//

Getting off the plane in Italy (a private flight this time, thank you very much), Hayato looks at his text messages. Most of them are business related--even being gone for three days was enough for them to pile up--but there are a couple from friends and family. 

From Bianchi: a text about meeting up soon.

From Hana: a reminder to  _ give her his expense forms or else. _

From Tsuna: well wishes for a safe flight.

There’s even one from Mukuro, an ominous string of  _ kufufufu _ ’s that Hayato is not looking forward to untangling in the least. 

Right at the top however, is one from an unknown number, simply reading:  _ We need to start planning.  _

He smiles, and saves it under  _ Shitopi-chan (Partner in Crime) (UMA??) _

//

Six months later, an event reads: Storm Area 51 (The REAL One): They Can't Stop All of Us.

Halfway across the world from each other, Hayato and Shitt P click on the link.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment, tell me what you thought!


End file.
